Cheater

I stood motionless, the barrel of the gun piercing my eyes
Every prayer I had ever said instantly ran across my mind
Like I was temporarily granted superpowers I focused on the finger gripping the trigger
As I saw the finger move, my heart stopped
My mind raced
My sweat froze
My feet moved
As the explosion exploded I leapt
I laid down for what seemed like months
Checking for a pulse
Checking for a breath
Checking for blood
Once I realized that life was still in me
I got up and ran like hell

She Is

She is the first thing I see in the morning
She is the owner of the tongue that parts my lips
She is the one who's embrace is the safest place in the world
She is the one who pushed my child through her hips

She is the one I daydream about during meetings
She is the proverbial apple of my eye
She is the body that I explore like an archeologist
She is the physical touch that makes me high

She is the piece of the puzzle that makes me whole
She is the star in my sky that shines bright
She is my earth, the foundation on which I stand
She is my definition of love at first sight

She is my dreamgirl, she makes me happy
She is the best thing in my life
She is the last one I see every night
She is my everything, my future wife

Another excert from my forthcoming best seller

I am in the process of writing a bookof letters to various people. here is another insert from that book.

A letter to my unborn son

Dear Son,
How are you doing? Well I hope. This is a letter to try to verbalize all the feelings I have for you even before your birth. Some of the things I didn't learn from my pops and I want you to always have something that will allow you to hear my voice even after my demise. The first thing I want you to know is that I love you. I love you so much that I would give up my life to spare yours without any hesitation. There is nothing that you could ever do that would minimize my love for you. Never forget that my love is unconditional. Hopefully, you will be have a healthy self-esteem like your old man. Always remember that you were made in God's image, the Creator of all that you survey, so there is nothing that should ever make you doubt your self worth. With that said you are now better than anyone else. Homeless person, murderer, unfit mother...NO ONE. Treat every living thing with the respect that they deserve. As I write this letter society seems to be in a decline as it relates to how we treat others, but what society does and doing what is right is by no means related so always choose to do the right thing. My job as your father is to prepare you to be a man. But many don't know what that means. It took me a long while to become a man and I promise you becoming one is a lot easier said than done. A number doesn't make you a man. So just because you are 18, 21, 25, or 30 it doesn't mean on your birthday an infusion of knowledge is embedded in your brain like some how-to-be-a-man manual. So i just wanted to share some of the "secrets" to becoming a man, at least as I see it. If I had to sum up manhood in one sentence I would say, "A man does what he has to do before he does what he wants to do." I know that it sounds simple and inevitably you will slip up a time or two, or in the case of your old man, several hundred times, but you must make sure your priorities are in order. For example, paying bills sucks. you work hard and you have to give your money to some entity that you don't really know. I mean most people have a hard time lending money to their own family. And trust me I know the feeling of wanting a new outfit or that new video game, but you don't have the money for it because the car insurance is due or the cell phone bill is due. I mena Sprint has plenty of money. They can wait a couple of extra days for your $78. That new outfit will look good on you, which in turn will make you look good to Keisha. However, a bill is your promise to pay for services rendered therefore, it is your responsibility to pay it. Remember do what you have to do, before what you want to do. Your friend's will tell you different things make you a man. These myths include being a great fighter, sleeping with as many women as possible, being a great athlete, drinking alcohol, smoking weed or doing other drugs, joining a gang, and getting a driver's license are a few that I could think of. None of those make you a man, they may make your friends admire you more, but not a man. For I will do my best to equip you with all the tools to make good decisions and become a man, but remember that in this respect, friends can be a detriment as much as they can be a benefit.
I mentioned earlier that sleeping with a bunch of women doesn't make you a man. Well prepare yourself, because your old man is going to tell you a few things about sex. The first thing that you need to know about sex is that it is wonderful. It is one of the best feelings that you will ever experience. In fact, I could even argue that the feelings you experience when you have sex rival just about every great feeling that you will feel during your exsistence. If asked about sex, i would rave on & on about it. However, like everything in life, there is another side to sex. I will always encourage you to wait until marriage to have sex, although I understand that the pressure to have sex will be immense. The often unspoken side of sex is the feeling after the act. I don't mean that tingly feeling right after. I'm talking about the next day, week & month after. What your friends or society don't often speak of is the ackward feelings between two people who don't have a deep history or love for each other after sharing the most intimate of acts with each other. You want to know one of the reasons why men get labeled dogs? Now you can't share this with your mom. Some men get labeled dogs because they simply don't know how to react to those ackward feelings. We feel confused because we like her (the lady we had sex with) but we also like that other lady (so much so that we want to sleep with her too) and our friends tell us to sleep with both (be a pimp) and society is saying sleep with them both at the same time (use AXE and it will help you accomplish that). You become so overloaded that a lot of men do what people do when they get overloaded. NOTHING. They avoid that partner altogether. They strike out against her by calling her names like slut, jumpoff, ho, etc. Or they purposely try to get her to hate them by talking to other young ladies right under her nose. Either way it is cowardly. The ackward feelings are just one aspect. There is also unplanned pregnancy. Let me be as honest with you as I can for a moment. You are not ready for the responsibility of being a father until you are a man. Being a father doesn't make you a man or woman because the clubs are full of parents who still put what they want ahead of what they need to do for their children. I had a student back in 2007 that was a mother at 15. One day I asked her for her homework and she said she didn't do it because she was at the club. Knowing she had a baby, I asked her why she didn't complete her work while she was at home watching her child. She then told me that the state placed the child with her aunt because they deemed her unfit. I asked how she was unfit and she said that she left her baby with her 10 year old sister while she went to her boyfriend's house for what ended up being 3 hours. She put her wants ahead of her responsibilities, but that's what 15 year-olds do. I was lucky that I didn't have a child before I became a man. Now that I am a man with a child, I feel ready to fulfill my duty as a father. Another reason to wait is because you want to have a child with the woman of your dreams. Your wife. A child conceived in love is a child that is loved. Lastly, there is the real possibility of disease. Son, you have the potential to be a great man. You have to minimize any risks that could hinder that potential. Too many of us African-Americans are derailed from our dreams by factors that are within our control. While protection helps, it isn't 100% safe. You must be careful and think about that before you lay down with random women. Son there are so many more gems that I want to share with you. I will continue to write letters to you so that you will always know where I stand. I love you son.
Love
Dad

Happy New Year

Holy cow, it has been a little while since I last had an update & I realize my rabid fan base is starting to get anxious, so I better get to posting. Therefore, my New Years's Resolution is to update at least once a week. So I will start with a random observations.

• Chris Rock had a skit that talked about divorce. He said, "If you are worth $100 million and you have to give your wife $50 million, big deal you're still rich. But if you make $30,000 and you have to give your wife half...you might have to kill her." Somehow I believe Michael Strahan, who has to give his wife $15.5 million, more than half his net worth, doesn't agree with Chris Rock.
• Barack Obama 2008. I am very interested in what the negative angle his opponents will take when attacking him.
• Saw the new iPhone. I hate how they keep inventing new stuff that I just have to have. I am going to be cash poor, but technology rich.
• I am teaching a Psychology class this semester. I now wish that I would have majored in Psychology in college because it is so interesting.
• I went to a basketball game at my school and was sitting around a 15 year old girl. Her language was so foul that I had to interject. She could've cared less about what I said. I just get the feeling that she will have kids that I will one day teach and I'll know why those children act the way they act.
• I love Peanut Butter Twix.
• I was chatting with a girl from Ghana and she sent me a picture. Long story short, my passport will have a Ghana stamp on it someday.
• I had a male colleague at the school slip this quote while we were having a conversation and a female student gave me a paper. He said, "Damn she's fine." I don't have any daughters, but I was completely sickened by his statement and let him know as much. I see why Dateline: To Catch a Predator will never run out of episodes.
• Sports is where you can find Dr. Martin Luther King's dream realized. At an MLK basketball tournament, I saw little black boys and little white boys playing with each other and not being judged by the color of their skin, but by the rotation on their jump shots.
• Even with more troops, we are set to be in Iraq for a really long time. The next president will inherit a foreign policy mess.
• Reggie Bush got hit so hard, I was shocked he kept all his teeth in his mouth. then he and Deuce McAllister promptly ran my Eagles rapid.
• Boise State 43 Oklahoma 42. Sometimes life just deals you a sweet hand.
• Wife Swap on ABC is one of the best shows going. It's funny and heartwarming.
• If he keeps it up, Lil Wayne may just become the best rapper alive. Even ahead of the great Jay-Z.
• Cocaine rap needs to be flushed. A lot of my young black males are so enamored with it, that it is becoming a great recruiting tool for future drug dealers.
• I love Oprah Winfrey so much and her new school for girls in S. Africa will be a huge success.
• I had a four day weekend and at the risk of sounding like a moron, the best sentence on TV is "(James) you are (not) the father"
• Have a wonderful week. I love you all.

A coffee table book about coffee tables

If you read my last post you may have seen that I was going to begin writing a book. Well a one of my dear friends suggested that I write a book in the form of a letter to my unborn son. I love that idea. So I have decided to take it a step further and write several letters to several people and just share some of my thoughts with the world. So tonight I will preview my book with a letter that I will put in the book, which coincidentally, isn't about coffee tables.

Dear Ludacris,
Hey my man, I just wanted to drop you a line to see how you were doing? Myself? I'm good, although, to be honest my mind is a little troubled. I was sitting back thinking about your rift with Oprah Winfrey and I just wanted to add my two cents. First let me reiterate that I am a big fan of your work. I feel that you are witty and funny in a world full of tough, grimy "thugs." I actually cried when I listened to "Freedom of Preach" with Bishop Eddie Long on your latest album Release Therapy. I'm serious I was crying because the message hit me hard. I felt like the person that Bishop Long was talking about. I felt that it was time for me to change. As a matter of fact, I believe that your song played a major role in me wanting to write a book. Anyway, I was thinking about hip-hop and me. Common has a song titled "I Used to Love Her" that details his relationship with hip-hop. It is a wonderful song to this day and I believe that it is around 10 years old. Well as a child of hip-hop and one of the first generations that grew up exclusively in the hip-hop age I have always been a huge fan. As Chuck D. once said hip-hop is the ghetto CNN. As a teen, I listened to Public Enemy, Boogie Down Productions, N.W.A. & 2 Live Crew. So I listened to the political & the vile and I loved them both. Oprah had commented on how she didn't appreciate the misogynistic and explicit rap lyrics commonly heard today. As someone who now works with young students as a high school teacher have to concur with her opinion. Now in Freedom of Preach, you said that those who didn't understand the youth might just be getting too old. Well I am thirty now and I don't claim to understand the youth, but I still listen to the same vile music as my students and to be honest with you I enjoy it. I gravitate towards rap, although my music interests have broadened over the years. I see "hardcore" rap as a form of entertainment. I know that Jeezy isn't "trapping" or that T.I. is a "dope boy." I know better than that. Now I am not trying to attack Jeezy or T.I., but I know that common sense says the reason that you become a dope boy is to make money and if you make money rapping, then illegal business isn't smart business. The problem lies in the younger generation. When I was young I understood that "Freaky Tales" by Too Short was akin to someone bragging about having sex with all the girls at school. It sounded great, but it was probably untrue. I never though Eazy-E killed all the guys he rapped about killing because if he did and then bragged about it, he deserved to be caught. Well, my students are amazing in that when their idols say something they don't even question it. Do you remember when Charles Barkley had a commercial that said he wasn't a role model? His argument was that just because he could dunk a basketball, doesn't mean that he should raise your kids. I definitely agree. Parents should be the one that raise their kids. The problem is that a lot of these kids don't have parents to raise them. Or at the most only a mother. And some of those mother's have to work to support their families and unfortunately they don't have the time to be both mom and dad. That no way excuses the parent, but it does make it more understandable. I believe in the old adage that it takes a village to raise a child. And Luda that makes us both villagers. Now far be it from me to try to stop someone from making money, but my pops would say, while playing dominoes, that all money isn't good money. He meant that just because you could score 5, 10 or 15 doesn't mean that it will be good for you in the long run. I always believed that. Just because you can make millions, is it worth helping destroy those that look like you for a few bucks?

This is just the first part of my letter to Ludacris. My book will contain a longer letter. Let me know if this sort of thing interest you.

My Soul (A Poem)

My heart aches as I wait to overcome this abyss
Trapped in this town of sadness, moments ago I was in a state of bliss
This pain is two hands wringing out my heart
I'm begging to be finished off, but I'm afraid this is only the start
Why have I been chosen to be a planter of this seed
Why can't I just succumb to money, drugs, thugs, girls, gold & greed
Surrounded by this cess pool of a world, Ever closer I see the slime slide in
Sometimes I wonder...Is it inevitable that I'm going under? If so, why not dive in
What if I'm not the solution. What if what I build falls apart
Or what if a blazing inferno of change spreads and I am the spark
Will I be remembered, like others before, as a movement that began as one
Or will I be remembered amongst a host of pretenders who tried to empower, but had none
My tortured mind cries out, "When will we get better?"
But my tears start to fall, as I hear a voice call and my soul answers never.

Random Thoughts

I have a friend who periodically list things that she is grateful for. I thoroughly enjoy reading her list so I decided to list some random thoughts that I have been thinking and share them with you....my audience of millions....err thousands...hundreds????tens....okay one. There I said it.

• I was talking to a fellow teacher and she commented on what a good writer I was and that I should think about writing a book. Well I have long been thinking about just that and was amazed that someone thought I should. So long story short; I'm writing a book!!!!
• I am glad that Terrell Owens is alive and well, but I'm even happier that my birds shut him and the Cowboys down. E-A-G-L-E-S.....EAGLES!!!!
• This isn't an original thought because I heard Chris Rock mention it, but who is gonna take the weight as the acknowledged leader of black causes? Is everything in this country so right and fair that we aren't involved in a struggle any longer? I nominate Common & Mos Def. I guess we have to wait on Barack Obama.
• Mid term elections coming up......gas prices going down. Maybe George W. Bush isn't as big a moron as many believe. Who am I kidding, yes he is.
• If you haven't read it and you deal with young brotha's on a daily basis, please read "Letters to a Young Brother" by Hill Harper. It's a really good read.
• You may not know Marcellus "Dat Dude" Wiley. If you don't let me give you a quick bio. Wiley is a 10 year NFL vet from Columbia University (Yes, Ivy League Columbia). He plays for the Jaguars here in Jacksonville. Anyway he is a phenomenal writer. He has a myspace page that I just recently discovered. Check it out. Columbia...man I'm jealous.
• I need to find a way to eliminate standardized tests. They are aging our students at a rapid rate.
• Does Baby aka Birdman have a tattoo of Lil Wayne on his chest? Why do I keep thinking the words down low when I see those two?
• Girlfriends isn't as good without Toni and I'm still pissed at Flava Flav for getting rid of Bootz. But if you are ever reading this, Bootz holla at ya boy. I'm waiting for marriage too.
• I'm not feeling the "Show Me What You Got" (Jay-Z's new single) beat, but as a wordsmith Jay has few equals. I can't wait for the album.
• Why do my students question every word that a teacher tells them, but they take the words of Lil Boosie, Plies, Rick Ross & other MC's as gospel.
• In church today, I learned that my love language is acts of service. Just wanted to share that.
• I really feel that I may be addicted to Pepsi. I have woken up in the middle of the night on more than one occassion and left the house for the sole purpose of satisfying my Pepsi craving.
• One of my former football players verbally committed to the University of Florida this past week. I am extremely proud of him.
• I am also addicted to gossip blogs. Incitingariot.blogspot.com & rhymeswithsnitch.blogspot.com are currently my two favorites. Man the lives of some celebrities really sucks. For example Jim Jones really has a wedgie fetish.
• I was watching Akeelah & the Bee when I heard this Marianne Williamson quote that I had seen attributed to Nelson Mandela in the past: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. So true.
• With that said, I think it's time for me to take the weight. Vote William for leader of the Black Cause.